A DAY IN "THE LIFE OF RILEY"

As Anthony is adjusting to New York City and New Jersey anew, he is stretching daily to have powerful results show up in his life around his career; his friends and family; his finances; and our relationship, which includes his support of me in turning this not-so-fabulous living space into something we can not just live in comfortably but be proud of as well. I've spent lots of years as a bachelor who travels extensively with my work. To that end, I'm almost conditioned to be too exhausted to do home improvements; clean up (I do have a maid that would do that piece); organize/build suitable closet space (for myself and now two people). As long as the VCR (and eventually the TIVO) are up and running, I seem to be content and not really looking at that piece around making my home space  comfortable, inviting, and warm --- consistent with my spirit I might argue. Still, there's loads of resistence and paralysis around it. It's something I've struggled with for a long time - not caring so much about "MY SPACE" and instead being concerned about the pieces of me that I take to the streets... impeccably, taking my tour of "keeping up appearances" on the road while neglecting the homefront (READ: ME... until a few months ago. And now - with someone here - I feel the urgency to change that. But I need to find the lesson in this that is around why I need to do it - FOR ME! Still searching and always on the journey, I'm game for it. And I'm sure there's something around SELF-VALUE (or lack thereof) and EXTERNAL VALIDATION tied into this conundrum. And I'm looking at that. Meanwhile, I finally have someone in my life (Anthony) who has taken on the challenge of supporting me in de-cluttering the apartment, which I own by the way, and - first - make it something we can live in comfortably and - secondly (and soon thereafter) - budgeting to have it be something that sparkles. One old T-shirt and box at a time... but we're getting there. I am grateful for his support in this, but I am again aware that there are some layers at which only I can peel away as it relates to emotional clutter and what lies beneath that. Should be an exciting ride... !!!

Meanwhile, on Memorial Day, we had the opportunity to hang out with the couple that we hold high for how they show up in their home, outside their home, and with us overall. It's our "A Day in the Life of Riley" favorites Jason & Marqise, who invited us to their Queens home for a pre-cookout set of shrimp kabobs and white wine. It's always nice to be in their home which is inviting and beautifully decorated. Their dog Gwen is a hoot too.

Then, we segued to another new couple on the block - Troy and Darrell - for the actual cookout. Troy was such a warm and accommodating host. And of course, Jason continued his hospitable way. Jason & Marqise's friend Alexis joined us. She's always 'golden sunshine' when we get together. We really had a great time. It's always so nice for us to be in the presence of other couples who've been doing it longer. And I'm thinking that we serve as our own example as we figure out this thing called LOVE.

I had to go to Chicago for a day and a night (or a night and a day) and it led to some new nightspots that may tickle your fancy as the Windy City has thawed to a summer breeze. Of course, it would either be my Chicago Carl or my personal 'supermodel' Itika who would get me out and about. This time, it was Itika, who served as my 'cruise director'. (Both she and Carl are so committed to making sure I'm entertained when away from home. This time, it was Itika). Itika had a college friend in town and we learned we have the National Association of Black Journalists in common. She was a student within the organization a few years ago and is this year being honored at the NABJ Convention in August (www.nabj.org) with the "Emerging Journalist of the Year" Award at the "NABJ Salute to Excellence" celebration. Her name is  Mara Schiavocampo, New York-based freelance reporter, and she is one to watch. (www.marasonline.net/). She without the 'umbrella' of a mainstream brand has 'branded' herself an experienced reporter, network television producer, and editor and she has traveled internationally as a contributor for various broadcast, print, and on-line outlets. Often, she shoots her own material, which has been seen everywhere from ABC News Now/ABC News.com (abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=2024136&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312) to Uptown Magazine (www.uptown-magazine.com/indulge_c_4.html ). She too is an video journalism instructor for Media Bistro (www.mediabistro.com/courses/cache/instr356.asp). And in her 20-something-ness, she lives in Harlem with her husband and a cat and a dog, both rescue animals. I repeat: ONE TO WATCH.

Oh! And by the way, Mara is lots of fun. We first went to Alhambra Palace Restaurant (www.alhambrapalacerestaurant.com) for "Takeover Thursdays". Though we'd already eaten, this is a Moroccan restaurantat. But more than that it was a seven-room backdrop for great networking and cocktails. It's quite palatial as you walk through. I felt like I was in the real Alhambra in Spain as I observed all of the marble and furniture which read North Africa and Morocco. One website description: "The center of the restaurant, crowned in a 35-foot high, copper-laden ceiling, sits up to 450 people. A marble fountain trickles in the back of the space; diners perch in velvet-cushioned chairs and a stage flanked by towering palm trees hosts live jazz, flamenco and belly dancing performances. There's also a bar, a formal dining room wrapped in hand-carved walls, a 6,000-square-foot banquet hall (need a space for 300-400 people? This is it!) and two sky box rooms perched above the main area." GET THE PICTURE!

From there, one of Itika's friends Shawn (a promoter about town) took us to The Victor Hotel to continue the party (www.victorhotelchicago.com). It boasts a wonderful nightclub (and good sushi). We spent a couple of hours here - taking in the scene. The day began to wear on Itika and Mara, who excused themselves. I stayed out for the last two stops - joining Shawn and his posse for two more sets.  Then, we segued to a well-attended and NEW after spot, Crescendo, one-stop dining/drinking/dancing venue complete with a 4am license. (http://www.surrealchicago.com/site/epage/6285_319.htm). Then, we segued one last time to "Spy Bar" (www.spybarchicago.com/).

On the heels of all this club-hopping (not exactly my favorite thing to do, but in the moment, I surrender to the itinerary), the sun was coming up. I had a few hours to ready for my flight home as the night was joyful and complete. If you're in Chi-town - whether a night, a weekend, or holiday - there's always something to do. As a city, it is truly becoming one of my favorites for down-time, up-time, and in-between. 

"When all around things were going wrong

All I had to do was think of home.

Friends that were kind and so sweet.

Helped me to stand on my two feet.

Walking in strange and new places...

Checking out all of the new faces.

Didn't bother me none for all of the folks back home were real.

Some are dead. But they all were so beautiful

 (Lyrics by Lamar Alford/Morehouse Man from the musical "Martin")

I had the honor to sing lead on the lyrics from this song as I portrayed Martin Luther King "Jones" in Morehouse's legendary stage musical "The Life & Times of Martin Luther King Jr.". From 1989 through 1994, I performed with the KING PLAYERS on this annual piece (that we sometimes took on the roard). This particular part -- one I landed in the latter years -- is that of a young Morehouse Man, named for the civil rights leader. When he comes back home to his hometown of Birmingham (or any-Southern-town USA), he realizes that many things have changed, but the lessons learned from the many kind people he'd come across were right there... with him. 

This is - in no small way - how I felt returning last week to my alma mater Morehouse College for my 15-year reunion. To be back on that campus again brought back so many memories of what it was like when I graduated those many years ago. I remember it being a scary time as I looked ahead to my future. I had many things I wanted to do and be a part of - from being a TV journalist to a performer. Having those talents show up and maintaining the living brought me much concern, even though I had gotten off to a good start (But now, without the proverbial net we call college and resources?). My mom was still around, though she had just had a health scare (two weeks prior to my commencement). And I remember the anxiety I felt that she might not be around to see me get my degree, the huge motivation of which was her. (She did make it, though two years later would pass away... and every ringing phone since this scare until her passing would jolt me into this thought that something might be wrong. CALLER ID came soon thereafter. Then, my triggers were induced by a specific phone number from home.). I also was experiencing inner-turmoil around my sexuality and how I would have that show up in my life. Though I wasn't out while in school, I knew my choices around my years ahead were going to be critical for my quality of life to shine through. (And just over five years after this time, I landed my TRUTH and now I truly LIVE OUT LOUD. Not a suggestion. It just is. And I am happy for it).

When I first got to Atlanta last Thursday, I picked up the keys from my sister's job and proceeded to get to her place in Lithonia - so I could wind down. Anthony considered coming, but he called in around this time to alert me he would not make the trip (to stand inside some commitments that preceded his idea around accompanying me to Georgia). Later that night, I went to the first of what would be a handful of well-planned social sets put together for the weekend by my classmate R.M. Lathan (www.morehouseoldschool.com/1992). The Leopard Lounge was spot #1. (www.leopardlounge.biz/). It set the tone for the weekend, though I slipped out early to meet one of my best friends Michael K. Watts, who lives in New York City (and I see him often enough, but he'd just landed and - with his friend Monica - in tow, we wanted to get some food and catch up as we don't really get the chance to just casually sit back, eat, and chew the fat as our respective schedules don't always allow). We met at The Vortex in Midtown (www.thevortexbarandgrill.com/). I came to find out it's quite the staple in Atlanta - boasting the BEST BURGER, according to Zagat. But I'd never been. So, this was a treat. And I did try the burger (with bacon and jack on top). GOOD STUFF!

On Friday morning, I got up and high-tailed it to campus to see the groundbreaking of The Ray Charles Performing Arts Center (Morehouse Music Education Building). Quincy Jones was in attendance to help celebrate this momentous occasion, one of the last official duties outgoing Morehouse President Dr. Walter E. Massey would have as he wrapped up his twelve-year presidency this weekend. Life-long friend and President of Ray Charles Enterprises, Inc., Joe Adams, also spoke. At the end of the program, all the Morehouse men gathered (as we would several times before the weekend wrapped) and held hands - singing "Dear Ol' Morehouse", our College Hymn. As I stood hand-in-hand with some of my classmates from '92 (and other years) - like Korey Washington, Mike Bryant, and Juan Thomas - the memories came rushing back. I was in the Glee Club and having toured and traveled with this renowned organization many times and sung that particular song (and then some) reminded me of the blessings and the foundation that this group (and college) set for me. Dr. Morrow, the Glee Club's director, would often say "It's more than a notion..." and he's right. After the program, Quincy Jones walked pass me. I reminded him of the many times we've been in close quarters, including a time I interviewed him a few years ago in Washington, D.C. (see picture). He remembered. Then, he pointed out that he loved my top - asking "Is that Issey Miyake?". I would have loved to say "Yes", but truth be told, it's more of a knock-off or - let's say - Issey-Miyake-esque. He said it didn't matter because "It is sharp!". I thanked him... and THANK GOD for these moments.

Later that afternoon, my friend Mike Bryant and a handful of other friends went to Paschal Restaurant (www.paschalsrestaurant.com). I had never been to the new location on Northside Drive. It was as good as I recall from the original location on Martin Luther King Drive - home of many civil rights movement planning meetings in the 1960s. While dining, Tahra Chatard approached our table. She is the sister of one of our Miss Maroon & Whites Faedra Chatard (Spelman '92) and a Spelman woman herself (Spelman '97). She came to re-introduce herself to me, pointing that when she'd visit her older sister, I'd sometimes be around. And at all times, she remembered me being so nice to her. Of course, as she celebrates her 10-years since graduation and I celebrate my 15-years, I felt like she and I were more contemporaries. But during those formative years for her, I guess I read more like an "older brother" or "mentor". So, I'll accept that compliment on my "mentoring" energies, but not too much... (SMILE!). Tahra is now a publicist in Atlanta - doing great work with a designer BLOOD SWEAT & TEARS - work that is influenced by and reaches Japan, Korea, Canada, United Kingdom, and stateside. While on the campus, I met a young man who was performing for the returning alums as well as the graduates in the lobby of Kilgore Center. His name is Mercury and he is a Lithonia-based junior at Morehouse. He was playing an acoustic guitar, but once we got into a conversation, I learned that he had a band and they have a CD. The band's name is EMER'JE. The album is titled "10 WAYS TO SLAY A GIANT". Their MYSPACE is www.myspace.com/emerje. And the sound may not be what you expect from four African American men, but it's their own... and is MUSIC to my ear.

I also got the chance to break-away and catch up with my original "Amazing Grace" Natalie (since 9th grade). We met at one of Atlanta's handful of Houston's (www.hillstone.com). And as always, it's good to catch up with her (though we talk on the phone just about everyday). After she went to take care of mommy duties and I went to change for a dinner with a handful of fellow alums at the fabulous restaurant SILK (www.silkrestaurant.com/), the midtown eatery where I fell in LOVE (with a crabmeat quesadilla), we gathered at the next "official" party. Location: THE VIEW (at King Plow Arts Center - www.theviewatkingplow.com). This evening perhaps provided the biggest bang for "re-uniting" as so many were in the house (including my New York City friend Khalid, who was celebrating his 5-YEAR REUNION from Morehouse, but he opted to come and check out the "old heads" for a minute). I saw homegirls like my Tandi Reddick (from Savannah). She and I got to re-capture the fun we had five years ago at the 10-year reunion. And now, we are shoing that our black is not cracking. It just isn't. She looks GREAT.

Since Natalie is a wife and mother of two, clearly late nights in Atlanta are not her priority. But for the reunion, Natalie (and her college friend Shelita) and a host of others put those babies to bed; got those faces beat; put on that drag; and stayed out all night long. Oh, to be young again.... SMILE!

The following morning, my Class of '92 took our picture. I sat in the ten-year reunion pic in front of Nabrit-Mapp-Mcbay Hall. This time, we all stood on the staircase in front of Kilgore Center. Later that afternoon, we had a joint-picnic with our Spelman sisters on Spelman's campus. There, we ate very well and got the chance to casually catch up without music blasting loudly (like our parties the nights' prior).  I even found myself "meeting" classmates for the first time. As popular as I (or any particular person) may have been, you don't always "meet" everybody - even during four years and despite the small population of a liberal arts college. Most excitedly, I was happy to meet Regina Boone, Spelman '92. She is currently a photo-journalist at Detroit Free Press. She and I know many people in common because of the National Association of Black Journalists through which we've also never met. But now we have and will stay in touch. But to be with my people again... was BLISS! Adrianne, Lisa, Melony, Toni, Tarvia, etc. HEY!

Later that evening, my best friend Eddie (who I often speak about from my travels to Chicago) joined Michael, Brad, Melanie, and me for some Gladys Knight & Ron Winans' Chicken and Waffles (www.gladysandron.com/). Eddie was in town for a wedding and wasn't able to fully participate in the reunion, but was able to steal a moment to hang out with 'the posse'. Over smothered chicken, BBQ salmon, catfish fingers, and sweet tea, we all enjoyed our group walk down memory lane. After dinner, I went on to join some other classmates for a private set in the Austell home of one classmate. Then, we segued for an after set at a cute, neighborhood spot called "Eye Candy" (www.icandyclubga.com).

Sunday was Morehouse's commencement, which my friend Elise (as Media Relations Manager of the college) helped produce. Denzel Washington - as well as Quincy Jones - were given honorary doctorates from Morehouse. And joining the esteemed alums are new graduates like Rutger's coach Vivian Stringer's son and - I hear - Queen Latifah's little half-brother. Elise was bouncing around all week like the Energizer bunny, but took some time to pose with Michael and me. After graduation, many of my fellow Morehouse men and I had brunch at The Renaissance Waverly Hotel (marriott.com/hotels/travel/atlrb-renaissance-waverly-hotel/). It was an awesome way to cap off the weekend. The food was great. I ran into several folks I wasn't counting on seeing, including one of my "little brothers" at Morehouse William G. McCray III, a rising "star" who credits himself a "nationally syndicated columnist" (www.Obnoxious.tv). He's a multi-media wonder to watch. Also, my friend Gil Robertson happened to be there having brunch. He's the author of "Not in my Family", the book and the CD collection of songs (www.notinmyfamily.com). Also, I should acknowledge Jamahl King (www.stepsevents.com/jamal.html). We - even right after college - stayed in a bit of touch as he was my neighbor in our first Buckhead apartments out of school. He's currently doing wonderful things in Atlanta via the special events circuit. As President and CEO of his own company, S.T.E.P.S. (Striving Towards Excellence with Perfection in Sight) Event Planning Firm, he put some of our events this weekend together - making it a point that we don't forget those of us who are inside of a not-always-popular lifestyle (let our sometimes judgmental people tell it). Moreover, he brought us all to tears during his toast as he wanted us to make sure that we continue to support each other from our respective corners of the world and that we not forget those who didn't make it to the 15-year reunion. Corey. Richard Rogers. On and on, we could go naming these special people.  These too are our fellow brothers who were instrumental in teaching us lessons and elevating our humanity with their gifts.

Truly, Jamahl... Some are dead. But they all were so beautiful.

Last Monday, I went to see my Aunt Charlie Mae in the Brooklyn Hospital. She had to be admitted for some tests. I surprised her with a vase of roses as she prepared to eat her dinner. Her daughters, my cousins Pat and Gloria, were there as well and it was good to see them all. Aunt Charlie Mae is my dad's oldest sister (from a clan of eight siblings) and I'm glad I was able to see her. GET WELL SOON, AUNT CHARLIE MAE.

Meanwhile, New York City has provided a backdrop for many outings over the last week (at least, the piece of it that found me here in The Big Apple). I'm just now coming from Merc Bar (www.mercbar.com/) where I spent a lovely evening with my "Amazing Grace" Nichole and her friend Mara Brock Akil with whom I've had the chance to be friendly (through Nichole) over the last couple of years. Mara is the creator of my favorite show "Girlfriends". She's in town on a bit of a retreat from the pressures of having two hit shows (also "The Game"); a gorgeous and talented husband who often directs her CW sitcoms; and a smart and vibrant son. Mara just needed some "me time". And that's just what she was here to do. Off the record, we shared many behind-the- scenes tales of "Girlfriends" and "The Game" (including my critique on certain episodes and character archs - especially given the roster changes on "Girlfriends". Also, I love Tracee Ellis Ross in her own right - not just because of who her mother is, but I clearly love her too. SMILE!).  Mara was gracious as I walked her through episode after episode. After all, "Girlfriends" is my favorite show. But most profoundly, we spoke of LIFE and how we are all its STUDENTS - navigating our way through to BE OUR BEST SELVES inside of it. One book Mara recommended to Nichole and me is "Ask and it is given" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Like "The Secret", she says it's a book that has been very helpful and life-changing to her.  Also, Mara, Nichole, and I laughed a lot - reflecting on pop culture in the '70s - from "Good Times" (and the years of James Evans, who scared Nichole as a little girl) and "Sparkle", the cinematic treat starring Irene Cara. As Nichole, Mara, and I battled a bit over who would pay for our check - a couple of glasses of wine and a few flutes of champagne later. Mara won and - truly - she is a winner (not for what she does, but who she is). She's a lovely, focused, and committed woman... and I consider it a total honor to have spent this time with her (and you too, Nichole). SMILE!

Also, amidst the week, Anthony had friends in town - one of whom carries a special significance. Sabrina was with Anthony the night he and I met at the opening of "The Color Purple". She was back in town this week with her brother Jason. We met them in The Village at "Absolutely 4th",  (www.absolutely4th.com/), a spot that boasts one of the best martini lists on the island. I had a margarita, but Anthony, Sabrina, and Jason enjoyed a number of tasty spirits from the "martini family". After catching up, we all segued to Sway Lounge (www.swaylounge.com). There, we saw actor Leon and other industry insiders. Overall, it was a great night.

The next night, Anthony and I went back to Pier 2110 (www.pier2110.com/), the event his friends, co-hosts Robert and Marcos put on every Tuesday (Marcos is pictured here with Anthony). We had dinner on this night, but found our treat to be bartender and barmaid Adriane. By day, she works in e-commerce. By night, she's the life of the party. From her way around a mixed drink to her swagger on the dancefloor, she brought life and love to the night. We loved her!!!

Marcos (pictured above with Anthony) also throws a "Mingle Mondays" (Artist Industry Night) at VOYAGE Restaurant, Anthony's and my new hang in the Village (117 Perry Street @ Greenwich Street). Because Anthony has a class he's taking on that night, we usually pop in to have a late-night drink before turning in as the evening is usually coming to its close. And in weeks gone by, they've had singers and musicians in acoustic tow. Last night, "poetry" was the muse as provided by "3StrongBrothaz Theatre Company" and I got the chance to meet the poets, though I missed the performances. I actually knew one of them BARON, who I have had a chance to know a little over the last year (www.myspace.com/BaronArtist). He is now a new friend of mine on MY SPACE and I recommend you check out his site to know all the great things he's doing.

On another night, Wednesday, my spot N Harlem (www.nharlemnewyork.com/) was the home of a fabulous party that celebrated "Bleu magazine's anniversary". Afterwards, all gathered at GINGER for healthy asian cuisine, great music, and awesome fellowship. (www.gingerexpress.com).  BLEU is  a new lifestyle magazine for urban gay men of color (www.thebleumag.com). It's publisher Devon Christopher is always so kind when I see him out. (He and I have even spoken about some possible collaborations down the line.) And what a line-up of fun and fashion he and his team put together for the evening. The STOLI (Vodka) was flowing and my favorite T-SHIRT designer de jour MINORITEES (www.minoritees.com) were on display. In fact, I got the chance to meet the creators of this brand that has brought me so much joy since I began to wear it last year. One of the firsts was the shirt that reads: "IT'S OK. I CAN'T TELL Y'ALL APART EITHER". That one has generated quite a buzz whenever I've worn it. Then, there's "GOT GRITS?". And my favorite of all time in the series includes the image of the Afro-head (with a pick in it). It's usually beaded and the backgrounds vary from solid black or brown to camouglage. The heads are beaded or just pressed-on. In all variations, the effect is awesome. And the praise is unending. (And what pride the image projects). When Larry - co-owner of N - introduced me to the owner Collin and his Vice President Austin, they were so warm and happy to meet me as they had heard I was one of their biggest fans. With gratitude, Collin sent Anthony and me a box full of new MINORITEES - so tune into "A Day in the Life of Riley" to see where they show up. Additionally, I'm working with the guys to ensure that these MINORITEES make their way to an even bigger audience. Already, we've seen Janet Jackson rocking her MINORITEES (plural). Onward and upward for this brand.