A DAY IN "THE LIFE OF RILEY"

I'm crying right now. And if someone was to call me right now, they might think I was crazy because I'm crying over the death of a soap opera character. That's right! I said it! Police Chief Hal Munson of Oakdale is dead. And all of his loved ones on "As The World Turns" found out today. And though the actor who played him for about twenty years, soap star Benjamin Hendrickson actually committed suicide at his New York home back in early July of this year, it still brought tears to my eyes. 

Though the show acknowledged the 55-year-old actor's passing at that time, they kept the character alive with minimal references until they could write it in. Hendrickson reportedly shot himself after falling into a deep depression following the cancer death of his mother. So, inside of those well-cued tears from his fellow actors, I'm certain there was an identification in their performances that came from a space of authenticity. Art imitates life and vice versa.

Saying goodbye to Hal is more to me than a favorite character gone. I grew up with Hal because my late mother, Queen Elizabeth Riley, raised my siblings (another brother and a sister) and me up on CBS Soaps - "The Young & The Restless" (now hiply called "Y&R"); "Bold & The Beautiful"; "Guiding Light"; and "As The World Turns". You could set your clock and compass by where mom and the kids would be during the windows of time that these "stories" aired (comprehensively during the summer and whatever of the line-up was left once we got out of school.). We would get our after-school snack and watch excitedly alongside mom (on her bed or on the couch in the den). Or, sometimes if she was in her room laying down, we kids would watch from the den and yell back-and-forth on the high drama that may have unfolded on that given afternoon. Perhaps something Victor Newman did on "Y&R". Or did the "Forresters" accelerate the age of another character, making us wonder how Brooke, who just gave birth last year could be attending her child's medical school graduation one year later? Unbelievable, but we still watched tangibly - as if our lives depended on it. On big cliffhanger days (Friday), we might start out watching in separate rooms, but you could rest assured we'd end up watching together as the drama unfolded and then we'd sometimes sit in silence or awe as we were left to wait a weekend to witness the conundrum resolved or delayed (as the twists and turns would sometimes leave us hanging, even on Monday). The soaps brought us much joy and those characters were and are our family and friends. As siblings who couldn't be more different - most in particular, my brother and me, we - for sure - had a jones for this programming in common. And that sometimes kept peace in the house.

 And here inside of our adult years, my siblings and I are less likely to be a daily, captive audience to "As The World Turns" or any of the soaps as we have matured and now lead busy lives - hundreds of miles away from each other. But a whoppingly empty and blue twelve years since our mom, the ringleader, passed away, we still check in with the "stories" and then with each other for updates (soap opera's first on the catch up agenda. then, if there's time, we might catch up on our real lives).

REST IN PEACE, BENJAMIN HENDRICKSON.

REST IN PEACE, HAL MUNSON.

REST IN PEACE, QUEEN ELIZABETH RILEY (MOM).

I sang in a wedding last weekend. My cousin Dee Dee married her high school sweetheart Chris in a lovely ceremony at my home church, The United House of Prayer for All People, in Savannah. I was honored to be invited to perform Eric Benet's "The Last Time" (from his current CD "Hurricane") as she walked down the aisle. The song was well-received and the wedding was beautiful. 

The bigger STRETCH for me was that I took my boyfriend home to 'meet the folks'. This is a first for me as I've never taken a significant other home before. And having moved through 'coming out' to my family into this 'don't-ask-don't-tell' pose, I just felt like I really wanted to BREAKTHROUGH the discomfort and angst around that thought (in my head) that I can't BE ALL OF WHO I AM AROUND MY FAMILY. INSTEAD, I CHOSE (with butterflies in my stomach) to INSPIRE or CLAIM another level of RESULT and EXPERIENCE for my time at home with family. More than a CONCEPT, I wanted to round out who I am in the eyes of my family and how I love and what it looks like. And truth be told, it just IS (nothing dramatic or over the top)... but I felt it was time to show just that.  

It went well and was kinda' cool to get out of my way and let that show up... BOLDLY. Let's be clear, black folks and homophobia are very much alive, but so is the ability for people to shift, if we give them a chance. And though my father has never expressed anything but unconditional love over my life, it was nice to see him shine inside of my boyfriend's presence as they immediately locked into a commonality as it relates to our similar military upbringings.

And the family overall was quite kind, though I expected my siblings would be the tough customers. Over the years, they've minced no words about their disagreement with how I choose to navigate my sexual orientation. Disagreements aside, they were nothing short of cordial and sweet. And I experienced them authentic in all of it. My sister received my boyfriend with a big hug and went out of her way to chat him up, which is not her thing in general. My brother truly stretched as he invited us out for cocktails. At the "Island Breeze", we drank and unearthed that TV, movies, and pop culture are what we ALL have in common. And we compared notes on that front into the late hour.

My boyfriend Kodjoe and I were pushing towards this level of intimacy with our respective families before he passed away unexpectedly last year, Easter Sunday, and we had made some lee-way in that he introduced me to his nieces and nephew on the eve of his passing. Quite divinely, this BIG NEXT STEP (for my new relationship) is also a LEGACY FULFILLED (for Kodjoe)...

Meanwhile, I know that beneath the differences, my family LOVES me!!! And because I CHOSE to show up in my TRUTH (demonstrated), they too were and are OPEN to show up and stretch in LOVE and other WAYS OF BEING that become available when someone DARES TO BE IT DIFFERENTLY. Inside of that, I experienced THROUGH ALL OF THEM a new level of SUPPORT, UNDERSTANDING, TOLERANCE, and ACCEPTANCE. It was quite a HEALING and CONNECTING trip for me... with JOY to boot!

Speaking of time, my TIVO has been neglected of late. Though it continues to digitally record all of my selects (which I'll share with you comprehensively one day), my time is not allowing for me to be as captive an audience. Still, I made time this week to watch VH-1's debut of "THE WENDY WILLIAMS EXPERIENCE", which featured ICE T and his lady, LIONEL RICHIE, and FARNSWORTH BENTLEY -- all chatting it up candidly on The Queen of All Media's radio show within a TV show. The guilty pleasure added dimension and color to an already vibrant experience when just listening on the radio (and letting the imagination run wild). After a few years of spot specials here and there (with promises of a bigger presence), it seems that VH-1 and TEAM WENDY may have a good formula going and --- blinds shut --- I have placed her on my TIVO's SEASON PASS to ensure that I don't miss any of the classic Wendy moments ("How You Doin'?"). Speaking of "How You Doin'?", I am loving UGLY BETTY's nephew Justin Suarez ( as played by Mark Indelicato about whom I'm sure we'll be hearing more about very soon). The effeminate teen boy adores all things FASHION and POP, including his aunt's job at the hip, very "DEVIL-WEARS-PRADA" MODE Magazine (THINK: VOGUE). Indelicato plays the best "gal" (but he's a 12-year-old guy) that I've seen since the one I suppressed and repressed at that age (while I periodically turned out an uncontrollable high-kick throughout my childhood home as if I was Leroy from "Fame". Meanwhile, my mom would tell me to "...Stop flouncing around this house like a sissy and sit down!!!!", but I digress.... ). BREATHE, PATRICK! The Thursday night ABC dramedy "UGLY BETTY" is getting better and better each week... and more and more enticing to watch. (I LOVE "Brothers and Sisters" too, by the way. GO ABC!!!! And more on that another time.). So, you must watch "UGLY BETTY". One awesomely rich-in-racial-subtext moment occurred this week, when the antagonistically seductive Wilhemenia, played to a T by Vanessa L. Williams (Remember her "A Diva's Christmas Carol" on VH-1? That was another annual treat for me - like "The Wizard of Oz" for someone else). Well, Williams' character Wilhemenia, the Creative Director of MODE, is introduced a concept around a Christmas layout, after the intended shoot theme is leaked from within and lifted by a competing magazine. As the brainstorm oscillates between her boss, the Editor-in-Chief (white male) and the chosen layout photographer (white male), the Editor-in- Chief recommends a KWANZAA motif - looking at Wilhemenia, who exhaustively, but understatedly, retorts (eyes rolling) "Did you just gesture at me when you said Kwanzaa?" Nervously, he says "NO!". And they move on...and that, my friends, is my favorite TV moment of the week. Without being preachy, it acknowledged what a meeting in corporate America can look like when there's only one face of color in the room. Insensitivity can abound. But because it's so inevitable and ubiquitous... and diversity is a long way from being the reality, we just laugh and - like this scene - keep it moving. GENIUS!  

Meanwhile, in the shaky world of magazine publishing, I've stumbled across a few new "quality" titles that are worth mentioning. This past Wednesday, I attended another Harlem-based party (sponsored by the up-and-coming-again area's Chamber of Commerce) for "JOLIE" Magazine, considered 'the ultimate beauty guide for women of color'. Vivica A. Fox is the "editor-at-large" for the magazine, which boasts a Kimora Lee Simmons cover this month. It's nice, glossy, and - to skim it - reads like a magazine that can compete with other more established brands out there, like "Essence". Also, I ran into a Morehouse brother with whom I graduated ('92) and he introduced me to another Morehouse brother who graduated the same year as Spike Lee ('79) and he is involved with a new magazine called "PULSE" (for the discerning, mature, gay man of color). Byron Barnes, known for creating the make-up formula that is IMAN Cosmetics, is the Editor-in-Chief of this project. Though he comes to the table with that aesthetic expertise (READ: not a journalist), PULSE is nice, glossy, and - to skim it - reads like a magazine that can compete with other more established brands out there, like "GQ". And "BLEU" and "BALLROOM ROCKSTAR" are two other titles on newsstands that have been out since the beginning of the year or thereabout. Both are for gay men of color but skew younger, hipper, and perhaps edgier than "PULSE". The latter features a story on me in its debut issue. It's titled "Superman". Again, both magazines - to my eye - are nice, glossy, and - to skim them - read like magazines that can compete with other more established brands out there, like "Details". The questions become "Is there room for them all?" or perhaps "Who will be the last new magazine standing?" as down-sizing, shut-downs, and shut-outs have been the more popular options of choice inside the tier of the magazine industry that targets people of color. We'll see; meanwhile, we'll root for them all to succeed and pay their freelance writers on time.

If TNT's airing of "The Black Movie Awards" is any indicator, Diana Ross might go missing in action. This week, "Lady Sings The Blues" received the 9th annual award show's "Classic Movie" nod, a big honor in the grand scheme of 'black Hollywood'. Though Ross was nearby (in that she supported youngest daughter Chudney Ross, who modeled in one of Los Angeles' Fashion Week shows), she instead was represented by her two acting offspring Tracee Ellis Ross ("Girlfriends") and Evan Naess Ross ("A-T-L") - both of whom acknowledged growing up as legacy pieces to the star of the project. Additionally (and perhaps most appropriately), Berry Gordy attended and accepted the actual award alongside the film's leading man Billy Dee Williams, the film's producers and screenwriters, including Suzanne DePasse, who too executive produced the awards ceremony. Since "Lady Sings The Blues" didn't win any Oscars (though nominated for five, including Diana Ross for Lead Actress), Berry pointed out that this was finally his chance to THANK all who helped to make this legendary film a reality when - against all Hollywood odds - it was quite an uphill triumph. And if I don't say so myself, it still holds up as quality cinema today.