A DAY IN "THE LIFE OF RILEY"

My birthday is November 19th, but to know me is to know that I celebrate for many days before and after. In fact, I let the spirit of the celebration go from a week before the natal anniversary all the way to Christmas Eve. Then, the next day, December 25th, I choose to give Jesus Christ his props and let the 'birthday extravaganza' concept get tossed to someone else. This year was really special and I hoped it would be. My 1995 was buried inside of so much grief in the wake of losing my soul mate Kodjoe earlier in the year (Easter Sunday to be exact). Last year, it took a lot of nudging and suggestion from my dear friends to get me to acknowledge and reflect on my 35 years. My Nichole, Ern, Tata, and others felt that - despite the year's sadness - I should take a blissful moment. So, Nichole hosted night one's festivities at her home --- all themed around one of my biggest inspirations Diana Ross. We listened to all things Ross before watching inspired excerpts from my favorite Diana concerts. Then, the next night, many friends - new and old - gathered into Blue Fin's "Red Room" for a lovely dinner. We truly had a blast.

Fast forward one year, we have the chance to see God's grace, love, and light at work. I have a new boyfriend now. His name is Anthony. In fact, before year's end, he showed up as we were both covering "The Color Purple" which premiered on Broadway December 1st. In the course of the months that would follow and lead up to this year's birthday, we have gotten to know each other (from across the miles. This is a long-distance relationship) and we have grown closer and closer with each day.  We got to celebrate his birthday here in NYC back in April. And after months of intimate and sometimes flossy connection - from a spiritual retreat in Crestone, Colorado to an all-expenses paid trip for two to Maui, I would have told you that my BIRTHDAY GIFT showed up way ahead of schedule inside of Anthony. Out of such darkness in losing Kodjoe, I have truly been blessed with the presence of someone who I consider kindred and special. Moreover, inside of the promise that tomorrow won't provide nor negotiate, Anthony and I take full advantage of our present moments. Not that life hasn't doled out a  slew of challenges and stretches for us to overcome, but with each other (and to each other) -- despite our respective paces -- we are loving each other boldly and in the NOW.

Though I didn't want a party this year, Anthony felt I should still do the weekend like it's golden. I was still non-committal and not quite as open to what that possibility could look like, but I thawed out to have joy show up in as many casual and stress-free ways as possible. With those sentiments in mind,  Anthony recommended some things we could do and our weekend was set. He arrived on Friday and it was on. He surprised me with even more than the GIFT OF HIM (all I required). He gave me some cool clothes made by BROWN SOUND, including some really hip T-shirts. He also totally surprised me with  a state-of-the-art iHOME2go, the portable system for my iPod. Once we pulled ourselves together, I put on one of my best, new ensembles care of Harlem-based N, my favorite boutique and my driver and friend Owen chauffeured us over from my co-op in Ridgefield Park to my friend Carl Nelson's penthouse apartment in Harlem U-S-A. He welcomed another couple of which Anthony and I are fond: Jason and Marqise, who didn't come empty-handed. They bought me a bottle of Moet & Chandon to enjoy at my leisure since they always make sure I have champagne when I visit their home (They have it just for me and make sure that no one else gets it. They really make me feel special when I'm with them). Carl also surprised me with my best 'girlfriend' Nichole, whose appearances in 'my life' are becoming quite legendary in "The Life of Riley" blog (She's always around and loving the feedback as I chronicle my life and her role in it. Not too much, boo! LOL!). To know Carl (as I chronicled another of his events a few weeks ago when we celebrated the launch of a new Gandhi book) is to know that he does everything with attention to detail and elegance. So, we first partook of a lovely aperitif of 12-year-old whiskey with a splash of cranberry juice (No hybrid as Carl knows I don't do Cran-Grape or Cran-Raspberry. Just Cranberry). He calls the drink  Adewale named for "Oz" and "Lost" actor Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje for whom Carl recently made the concoction (to much praise). We nibbled on aged cheese and grapes as he worked on the appetizer, a healthy portion of seared shrimp atop a bed of greens (accented with red peppers). The main event was one of my Carl Nelson favorites: tender and juicy salmon with pasta and steamed vegetables. A bottle of red and a bottle of white ensured we held our 'elevated moods' from that 'grown & sexy' cocktail off the top of the day. Then, a flaming 'bananas foster' shocked us all into a "stop! drop! and roll!" pose as Carl put our dessert on performance. BRAVO (to the dessert and to Carl for such a lovely kickoff to a great weekend).

From Carl's, we all visited BBraxton's new male grooming salon (about which I recently wrote) and N (where my friend Terry surprised me with a Harlem-based B. Oyama shirt. It was a plaid with hints of blue, brown, and orange - all my favorite colors). After that Harlem day, we opted to forego the "Black Style Now" exhibit at the Museum of New York City to land back on schedule for our 'karaoke hour' at MUSE (in Chelsea across from the Fashion Institute of Technology). My friend Kamaria joined us on the heels of her workday along with the rest of our posse from earlier. My Anthony didn't sing, but kept selecting great tunes for me to sing to him and the rest of the group. Coupled with more cocktails, this made for quite the blast before we segued to dinner of contemporary Mexican and margaritas. DOS CAMINOS is a spot we've all enjoyed over the last year, but we were trying out the new location (50th and 3rd Avenue) for the first time on Friday. Other friends like Ern, Kimberly Jajuan, Michael K. Watts, Adrianne C. Smith, Tina, and Geva joined the party with gifts, cards, and love in hand. We nibbled on some mild (for me) and spicy guacamole, which is prepared deliciously fresh on-site. And beyond margaritas, we received complimentary champagne and desserts from one of BR Guest Restaurants' managers Lisa Curry, who is the wife of  videographer and friend James Curry with whom I work often on New York City shoots. On the heels of our meal, we did some meat-packing district club hopping. But Anthony and I soon bowed out to join friends Mario, Derrick, and Melvin at the Chelsea lounge "g" before we all segued up to "No Parking" in Washington Heights. Though we enjoyed the scene, the day had been long. So, we soon retired for the night - knowing 'the sun would come out tomorrow' (and so would we).

Saturday was what I might exclaim "... a new day!!!!!". For old time's sake (or every-Saturday's-sake), I brought Anthony in to Ern's, Tata's, and my Saturday tradition of doing Houston's Restaurant, but to shake it up, we went to one of Manhattan's locations (instead of our Hackensack, New Jersey locale, which is connected to Riverside Square Mall). Like usual, I got the Firehouse Chili (which is only available on Saturday) and 'the flying chicken basket' (chicken tenders and fries). Sufficiently full, Anthony and I bid Tata and Ern ado as we headed for Brooklyn. The thought is we'd casually saunter through the Fort Greene area and say hi to Moshood and then, go to Annie Leibowitz's photo exhibit at The Brooklyn Museum. However, my friend Katti (who wrote the NEWSDAY column on "The Life of Riley") told us we could pop by as she had 'a circle of sisters' coming over to her Prospect Heights apartment to celebrate her leaving the area to be a homeowner in upstate New York. Feeling like we were crashing, we went anyway - knowing she wanted to meet Anthony, but also being clear that we were only going to be there for a short time as we had 8:00 pm dinner plans. Anthony would go on to say that having 'access' to this impressive group of about six, mostly single, church-going women, was rare and special. It felt like we were flies on the wall. Clearly, when they gather, it's their moment to "exhale" away from men and say what it is that they want about being single, perhaps dating, their professions, etc. And here, with two foreign energies (for this type of gathering's purpose), these women continued to show up 'open' and 'vulnerable'. And let them tell it, they appreciated being able to bounce their thoughts, breakdowns, and breakthroughs off of us. They were all very much their own women, professionally. One is a temp. Two of the ladies I actually know from the media world. Another two are heading up divisions of corporate brands like Verizon or American Express. One impressive wonder is a former scientist turned banker turned entrepreneur. But they all came to this space of 'woman power' with their most authentic thoughts about their faith in God, their love of men, their concern for their communities, and their support of each other. Ironically, one African American woman (by way of British and Caribbean rearing) in her early '40s (but looking not a day over 25) works at a bride magazine. Though she has a boyfriend, she has never been married and is not counting down to a wedding day. Still, through her work and filter, she has an idea of what she wants for her wedding (look and ceremony), but also what she wants for her marriage. And given she has this inside, behind-the-scenes view of it, she's learning from many women's mistakes. Much of what I do as a journalist who often interviews women places me with this demographic, but I must admit this level of access and intimacy, as Anthony pointed out, is pretty unprecedented. Truth be told, since Katti and I are so close (and got our one-on-one time to catch up in the kitchen as she prepared crab cakes, wings, and salad for her guests' consumption), this moment read like 'our conversations' : AMPLIFIED many times over!!!! And it was music to our ears. In fact, Katti was playing the songs of a South African woman who - via this two-disc CD - was celebrating all things around WOMANHOOD and the women on whose shoulders she stood.  The overall evening - from ambience to cuisine to conversation - was a gift to me. And if it weren't for our next commitment, we might have stayed right there to hear the... '... rest of the CD" (and the companion soundtrack that was these women's lives).

But onward, we journeyed in Brooklyn to Olea Restaurant as we enjoyed spending time with my friend Jabu, who I met through Nichole. She was visiting us from Seattle and celebrating her birthday, which falls the day before mine. With mutual friends all gathered for Jabu, she - who gifted me with a dozen roses - and I felt the love. Nichole's husband Tony Shellman stopped by to express his birthday sentiments to Jabu and me. He was looking every bit the walking billboard for Parish, the new clothing line he's just launched (See previous "Life of Riley" entry). And since Anthony nor I were all that hungry (given we'd been eating at different locations since noon), we were fed spiritually by a friend of my friend Monica, Melony, who just two weeks ago, moved here from South Africa with her husband. We were seated next to her at the dinner and continued to bond and chat with her en route and at our post- sets "Mo's" and "Frank's Place", both Fort Greene watering holes. At the stroke of midnight, they all wished me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY as November 19th is the actual day. From there, Nichole dropped Anthony and me off to "Dillon's" in Manhattan for our post-post-set. Here, we enjoyed a Scorpio- themed party with two of our three friends from the night prior, Melvin and Derrick. Derrick, in fact, graciously brought us home.

We woke up a bit exhausted on my actual birthday from the exhaustive yet fun-filled days prior, but Anthony  and I got ourselves together for a lovely brunch at "Day-O", a Caribbean/Soul Food spot in The Village. Theo, Geoffrey (one of Kodjoe's best friends, who got me a lovely wool scarf with little pockets on each end of it), and two of Anthony's friends Lonni and Carmelli joined us. The highlight (the love and company notwithstanding): The DVD "Lady Sings The Blues" piping from the half dozen or so flat screens throughout the restaurant. Of course, this distraction pulled me away from conversation. Fortunately, everyone was equally distracted... and entertained. Speaking of entertainment and divas, Anthony and I had tickets to see Eartha Kitt at the World Stages Center on 50th Street. She stars in "Mimi Le Duck", a whimsical, quirky musical in which she portrays an American-born, Parisian-based expatriot (a la Josephine Baker), who owns a bed-and-breakfast where Ernest Hemmingway supposedly wrote some of his classics. She sings, poses, and purrs to legendary effect. One standing ovation later, Anthony and I grabbed a quick drink at The Hangar on Christopher Street before joining Tata, Lonnie, Carmelli, and the man who introduced my latest karaoke jones to me, Dante. This time, we had even more fun. Anthony actually sang this time. I did an encore of Jennifer Holliday's "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" since it was so well-received on Friday. But my Maxwell's "This Woman's Work" (as selected by Anthony) knocked their socks off. I might have to add that into my repertoire.

With little steam ahead, we soldiered on to our 'last supper': Italian tappas at "Vento" (again, receiving complimentary champagne and desserts from The Currys). This meat-packing district spot capped off what was truly an eventful, stress-free, and funfilled weekend. Gifts showed up in more ways than wrapped boxes (though Tata hooked me up with a fierce, six-piece luggage collection for my non-stop travel. Yes, the luggage I had was jacked up. But not anymore. Also, I should shout out Tina Alexis for the inspired piece of art "Adam and Steve", which she commissioned New Jersey-based fine artist Kevin McKinney to do for me - www.The-Art-of-Art.com). Time with Anthony and all my friends made it perfect. Well-wishers who showed up in so many ways, whether via phone, text messages, calls, and e-mails were the icing on the sheet cake. By the way, there was no birthday cake. Still, lots of dessert. (Mind your business...).